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What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 27.06.2025 01:34

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

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And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

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I don,t even have a pension.

He knew the spot.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

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I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

I have no regrets .

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One cannot live in the past .

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I was very sick at this time too.

Humans have evolved and become hairless and odor free. How do other races learn about evolution since evolution does not apply to them?

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Est ad incidunt reiciendis ut aut.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

My life is so biszare .

He was dying to do it , i knew.

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I will be 64.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

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I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

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I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

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We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

She was in good health!

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The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

This is soul school!.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

I think the readers, may guess!

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

He resisted the act ,that day.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I did it because my mum asked me too!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I never cut or harmed myself..

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Ive learnt so much.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

She found it foreign!.

Im still living with it.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I was scared of men, in general

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Im dying but, im not bitter.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

She loved him until the end.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

So, i spoilt her more .

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

She wouldn,t have been !

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

We were not on the streets..

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

We all went to grammer schools

They are buried together, in the same grave..

What did i know ?

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Would this be the day?

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

All the time i was locked up.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

But ive been too sick for many years..

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

And i lived it daily.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

As i do to all so called friends.?

So whats the point in blame.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I said to her

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

But, we were locked up after school.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

My family never makes their pension either.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Especially a lifetime of it.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Put me off passion for life!!

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

(And it was in our own minds.)

On the 31st of Jan this month .

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Was to survive, this bastard.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

I write beautiful poetry .

When she asked me how she looked .

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

But it wasn’t much.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

She married twice! .

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

I was 9 years of age.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

I was seconnd youngest,

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I had hoped to write a book about this .

I could never make a relationship work though!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Comes on , in middle age.

I waited trembling.

It was going to be , some day.

Who then, do I blame.?

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Why did i forgive my father ?

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.